A story:
Adventures of Drake and Dobblefox
By Justice Balabuszko
Drake and Dobblefox were walking in the woods. Suddenly they stopped at a path of footprints. They followed it and it led to some foxes and dragons. Then they played together, and then they all wanted to play tag, and then they all wanted to play I Spy.
The End.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles
Today I went to the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles (BMV) to transfer the title on my car to Ohio. Since a typical visit to the DMV never goes as I plan, I always try to prepare well ahead of my visit for any unforeseen BULLSHIT. It turns out that even the best preparation cannot stop the tidal wave of incompetence found at the DMV.
It started with our California title having "Victor Thompson OR Rachel Balabuszko" as the owners of our car, and it ended with me breaking down the entire hierarchy of the DMV and changing the way the DMV operates in Columbus (or at least at the main branch). In Ohio they do not recognize the word "OR" and treat all instances of "ORs" as "ANDs", which to me makes absolutely no sense given an OR is an OR and an AND is an AND. Who woulda thunk it? Nevertheless, I was prepared and called ahed to make sure I did not need Rachel present to transfer the title since my current title (CA title) says OR. Since I had already figured out that every little task at the Ohio BMV is compartmentalized under different branches of the BMV I checked with the "Title Division" of the BMV over the phone if Rachel needed to be present. Their answer, "Yes, if it says OR in California, of course."
So, checkbook in hand I head down to the BMV as soon as I drop Justice off at the bus stop. I wait in line, get my out of state car inspection (which means they look at the odometer and VIN), wait 20 minutes in another line to pay the $3.50 "out of state inspection" charge, and get to the point where I am about to present my case to the "Title" people that I should be allowed to have an Ohio title for my car.
The first thing the lady says is that in Ohio all ORs are treated as ANDs and that there is no way my OR from California will work the same way in Ohio. Rather than arguing with the idiocy of such logic I politely told her that I had already called the Ohio Title office and they said that Ohio respects the previous state's guidelines. She of course, did not believe me and insisted that I had called the wrong office and talked to someone who didn't know what they were talking about. I replied rather astutely that I was under the assumption that everyone working at the DMV was a highly trained professional and very unlikely to give out the wrong information. Rather than agreeing with me and defending her fellow workers she insisted that I had either received bad information or was making it all up as some sort of clever ruse to illegally transfer my California title to Ohio.
At that point I insisted she contact her manager, to which she exclaimed "There are no managers here. The state of Ohio is my manager and the state of Ohio says 'ORs' are 'ANDs', and you need your wife to be present OR you need power of attorney for her." Jokingly, I said, "You said 'OR.' Don't you mean 'AND' I need power of attorney for her." At that point I listened to her speech about doing things the right way and left the line not knowing what had just happened.
Rather than leaving, I went to a chair to call the main Title office that had originally led me astray. Upon talking to them they immediately said that the person was wrong and that I should have her call them if she has any questions. Fine, no problem, I thought. I went back to the same window and told the BMV employee once again that I had just talked to the Title office and received the same information. They said she could call them to verify what I am saying. Once again she insisted that I had called the wrong person and AGAIN had the wrong information! Please help me!
I demanded she call the Title office at that point. Begrudgingly, she picks up her phone and calls her manager, NOT the Title office. Recall 20 minutes earlier there were NO managers at the office. Of course she TOTALLY misrepresents what is going on with my case to her manager and soon receives the go ahead form management to kick my ass out the door. I said "you forgot to mention that the title has OR written on it." At this point the people in the next windows are getting commentary from the person helping me and look at me like I am insane. As if I have nothing better to do than entertain these jerks at the BMV. ALL I WANT IS MY DAMN TITLE!
Finally, I say enough is enough and call the main Title office back. Fortunately, I keep getting the same person each time I call the Title office and she is beginning to get pissed that noone believes what I am saying. I gave her the name of the person helping me at the branch and she put me on hold. Meanwhile the lady behind the counter is convincing half the DMV that I am a terrorist. Then suddenly she gets a call. Her jaws drop. She looks at me as if she wants to kill me and then hesitantly hangs up the phone. Finally! She turns around and says, "Fine! We will do it!" I said, "WELL NO SHIT YOU WILL DO IT!!!" She said, "No, the person next to me will do it. I am going to lunch." Good Gawd!! Luckily, the wait for the next line was only a few seconds and I had by that time won the support of the other clerks so she was very nice and helpful.
In the end I have become somewhat of a hero at the BMV. This was the first time they had ever heard you could do this and it will for obvious reasons make their lives a lot easier in the future since they wont have to deal with power of attorney stuff and turning away people like me.
It started with our California title having "Victor Thompson OR Rachel Balabuszko" as the owners of our car, and it ended with me breaking down the entire hierarchy of the DMV and changing the way the DMV operates in Columbus (or at least at the main branch). In Ohio they do not recognize the word "OR" and treat all instances of "ORs" as "ANDs", which to me makes absolutely no sense given an OR is an OR and an AND is an AND. Who woulda thunk it? Nevertheless, I was prepared and called ahed to make sure I did not need Rachel present to transfer the title since my current title (CA title) says OR. Since I had already figured out that every little task at the Ohio BMV is compartmentalized under different branches of the BMV I checked with the "Title Division" of the BMV over the phone if Rachel needed to be present. Their answer, "Yes, if it says OR in California, of course."
So, checkbook in hand I head down to the BMV as soon as I drop Justice off at the bus stop. I wait in line, get my out of state car inspection (which means they look at the odometer and VIN), wait 20 minutes in another line to pay the $3.50 "out of state inspection" charge, and get to the point where I am about to present my case to the "Title" people that I should be allowed to have an Ohio title for my car.
The first thing the lady says is that in Ohio all ORs are treated as ANDs and that there is no way my OR from California will work the same way in Ohio. Rather than arguing with the idiocy of such logic I politely told her that I had already called the Ohio Title office and they said that Ohio respects the previous state's guidelines. She of course, did not believe me and insisted that I had called the wrong office and talked to someone who didn't know what they were talking about. I replied rather astutely that I was under the assumption that everyone working at the DMV was a highly trained professional and very unlikely to give out the wrong information. Rather than agreeing with me and defending her fellow workers she insisted that I had either received bad information or was making it all up as some sort of clever ruse to illegally transfer my California title to Ohio.
At that point I insisted she contact her manager, to which she exclaimed "There are no managers here. The state of Ohio is my manager and the state of Ohio says 'ORs' are 'ANDs', and you need your wife to be present OR you need power of attorney for her." Jokingly, I said, "You said 'OR.' Don't you mean 'AND' I need power of attorney for her." At that point I listened to her speech about doing things the right way and left the line not knowing what had just happened.
Rather than leaving, I went to a chair to call the main Title office that had originally led me astray. Upon talking to them they immediately said that the person was wrong and that I should have her call them if she has any questions. Fine, no problem, I thought. I went back to the same window and told the BMV employee once again that I had just talked to the Title office and received the same information. They said she could call them to verify what I am saying. Once again she insisted that I had called the wrong person and AGAIN had the wrong information! Please help me!
I demanded she call the Title office at that point. Begrudgingly, she picks up her phone and calls her manager, NOT the Title office. Recall 20 minutes earlier there were NO managers at the office. Of course she TOTALLY misrepresents what is going on with my case to her manager and soon receives the go ahead form management to kick my ass out the door. I said "you forgot to mention that the title has OR written on it." At this point the people in the next windows are getting commentary from the person helping me and look at me like I am insane. As if I have nothing better to do than entertain these jerks at the BMV. ALL I WANT IS MY DAMN TITLE!
Finally, I say enough is enough and call the main Title office back. Fortunately, I keep getting the same person each time I call the Title office and she is beginning to get pissed that noone believes what I am saying. I gave her the name of the person helping me at the branch and she put me on hold. Meanwhile the lady behind the counter is convincing half the DMV that I am a terrorist. Then suddenly she gets a call. Her jaws drop. She looks at me as if she wants to kill me and then hesitantly hangs up the phone. Finally! She turns around and says, "Fine! We will do it!" I said, "WELL NO SHIT YOU WILL DO IT!!!" She said, "No, the person next to me will do it. I am going to lunch." Good Gawd!! Luckily, the wait for the next line was only a few seconds and I had by that time won the support of the other clerks so she was very nice and helpful.
In the end I have become somewhat of a hero at the BMV. This was the first time they had ever heard you could do this and it will for obvious reasons make their lives a lot easier in the future since they wont have to deal with power of attorney stuff and turning away people like me.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Bats
We have a friendly bat that visits us from time to time. Usually we catch it with a towel and throw it out the door, but a couple of nights ago we finally got tired of it and decided to get rid of it. No, we did not kill it, though I suggested that on a number of occasions. Instead we took it to the Ohio Wildlife Center where they have a whole room full of bats. The little rat with wings is very lucky Rachel and Justice were around to save his little hide or I would be wearing a set of bat skin earmuffs. I have to admit it was a little exciting having the thing fly by every once in a while. There is nothing like knowing you are in imminent danger of an air assault to keep you on your toes at night. Fortunately, for us, we kept our cool during these attacks and were able to quickly neutralize the threat. Below is a short video showing others how to keep your nerves under similar circumstances.
Note: Justice was hiding under the chair in the taping of this video and I was in Boston, far, far away.
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